


Just Like The Cold, You Never Really Leave Me

by silquefaye



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Sick Fic, also this is very melodramatic for a sick fic, it's very light dimiashe but still enough to tag imo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-01
Updated: 2019-09-01
Packaged: 2020-10-05 01:41:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20480846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silquefaye/pseuds/silquefaye
Summary: Ashe falls ill, and can't help but miss Lonato.





	Just Like The Cold, You Never Really Leave Me

**Author's Note:**

> Remember when i said my last fic was the most self indulgent thing i've ever written? well.  
Sorry if this feels a bit disconnected, I wrote the first half while listening to every time we touch, and the second half while listening to [a really old song by bdg](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Akb-1_OKa0). also dimitri wasn't supposed to be here. this was supposed to be a hurt/no comfort thing. but he's here now so take it. also if this your first fic of mine you're reading, read my other one too.

Ashe’s memories from that liminal time between his parents’ deaths and meeting Lord Lonato are hazy at best. He mostly recalls the guilt that almost buried him alive every time he stole, the anxiety that plagued him when he left his siblings alone, and the wide smiles of his siblings when he came home. 

But one thing that he can still recall with piercing accuracy, is the cold and wet of the streets, the chill creeping into his bones and blood and heart. And above all, he remembers how alone he felt during it all. 

* * *

Ashe wakes up with a pounding headache, covered in sweat, and the tendrils of a nightmare clutching to his erratically beating heart. 

He yawns, which turns into a wheeze, which turns into hacking and coughing until his throat is raw. He sits up and his stomach churns and he’s shivering from head to toe. On top of it all, he’s _ exhausted. _

He decides to skip breakfast, just for another twenty or so minutes of sleep. 

* * *

Getting dressed is a chore, making himself presentable is a struggle, and actually walking to class is a battle and a half. 

_ Just get to class and you’ll be fine, _Ashe repeats to himself, over and over, as if it might stop him from keeling over in the courtyard. 

When he finally makes it to the empty classroom, he plops himself down in his seat with a heavy sigh. His head feels like it’s been stuffed with cotton. 

“Ashe! There you are, we were all worried when we didn’t see you at breakfast.”

Ashe blinks up at Annette, who looks down at him with a curious expression on her face. 

Oh right, Ashe is supposed to give a reason why. 

“Uh, sorry. I was just a bit tired this morning, nothing to worry about though.”

“Are you sure? You’re looking a bit flushed, if I’m being honest”, Annette replies, motioning for someone, Mercedes maybe, to come over. 

But flushed? When Ashe looked in the mirror this morning, he was as pale as a sheet. 

Mercedes comes over and takes one good look at him before her eyebrows are furrowed, mouth curved in a delicate frown, and placing a head on Ashe’s forehead. 

Ashe relishes in the cold- and since when was he so hot? The touch itself is pleasant as well, moreso that Ashe would like to admit, and it takes all his willpower not to lean into it. He’s pretty sure the last time he hugged someone was saying goodbye to Lonato before coming here. 

It was so warm and safe and secure, and Ashe aches when he thinks about it. He recalls Lonato’s expression, filled with worry and dread. At the time, Ashe thought, foolishly, that Lonato was just worried about him. 

Now- well. It makes something bitter and vile form inside Ashe. 

“-she? Ashe are you _ sure _you’re okay?”

Ashe’s attention snaps back to Mercedes, who’s hand is still on his forehead. She’s clutching at her shawl, lips pursed. 

Guilt makes Ashe’s stomach drop like a ton of bricks. He doesn’t want anyone to worry over him. 

He forces a smile on his face. “No really, I’m just a bit tired. I’ll get some rest when classes are over.” 

Mercedes pulls away and hums. “If you’re sure… But don’t be afraid to tell the professor if you get any worse, okay?”

Ashe nods and, speak of the devil, Professor Byleth sweeps into the classroom at that very moment. From the corner of his eye, Ashe can see Dimitri shoot him a look of concern, before turning back to the professor. 

He can get through today’s classes. Just get through these few classes, and he can collapse into bed. 

* * *

Ashe takes in absolutely nothing during morning classes. 

He spends the whole morning staring down at his blank page, quill shaking in his grip. When he looks up at the professor, he can see that they’re talking, can understand the individual words coming out of their mouth, but can’t make heads or tails of them together. Occasionally, his vision swims, making Ashe so nauseous that he would’ve thrown up if he had eaten anything that morning.

What’s more, every minute sound seems to make his headache ten times worse, or grate on his nerves. He swears to the Goddess and Nemesis that if Sylvain keeps tapping against the desk he’s going to storm out of the class screaming.

By the time lunch rolls around, Ashe is just about ready to find a nice quiet place to have a breakdown in. He doesn’t understand why he’s like this. He’s never been this moody, even when he’s sick, but right now he’s much too irritable for anyone to deal with.

“Ashe, coming to lunch?” Dimitri asks. 

The thought of food still makes Ashe’s stomach churn, so he bites his tongue and says “I’d rather not. If you don’t mind, your Highness.”

Dimitri frowns. “Are you alright? I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation with Mercedes and Annette. Speaking frankly you still seem quite unwell.” 

“O-Oh I wouldn’t worry about me, Your Highness. Sure, I’m a little under the weather today but, but with a good night’s rest I should be right as rain tomorrow”, Ashe replies, blood rushing to his cheeks at the realisation that the _ crown prince of Faerghus _is concerned over his wellbeing. 

Dimitri says something, but much like the professor this morning, Ashe can’t seem to quite grasp what he’s saying. 

His vision swims again, and he blinks. When he opens his eyes again he’s back in his bed. 

“Awake already? You’re quite the little fighter, aren’t you?”

Ashe looks over to his side to see Professor Manuela perched on the edge of his bed.

“You gave everyone quite the scare, you know. Dimitri said you collapse in the middle of the classroom! Though I can believe that with how high a fever you’re running”, she continues, wringing out what looks like a cloth in a small bucket. 

“You just get some rest, and I’ll be here to take care of you.” She places a cool, damp cloth on his forehead and it’s such a relief that Ashe could cry.

Ashe should probably thank her, but his eyelids are heavy and he’s still so _ tired. _

* * *

_Ashe lets out a small whimper as Lonato runs a hand through his sweaty hair. _

_ “I know, my boy. I wish I could do more for you, but you’re just going to have to soldier on through this, okay?” _

_ Ashe whines, like the pathetic child that he is. He’s too hot, too cold, his head aches, his stomach hurts, and he can’t breathe without feeling like his lungs are going to pop. _

_ Lonato shushes him and pulls him into his arms, wrapping him in a secure embrace. _

_ “You’ll be okay Ashe, I promise.” _

* * *

Ashe wakes up to a dark and empty room. He wonders how long he’s been here for, for all he knows he could’ve slept for a week straight.

He still feels dreadful, but at least he doesn’t feel like he’s burning from the inside out anymore. 

There’s a glass of water sitting on his bedside table and he sits up and chugs it down in one quick movement. 

He sighs and listens to the ambient noises of the night, the wind blowing through the trees, and distant cheers and chatter of the guards, all comforting in their own way. 

His mind wanders to the memories haunting his dreams. To Lonato. When it first happened, over a month ago by now, it didn’t feel _ real. _Like the horrible nightmares he had after Christophe died, of Lonato dying too and leaving him all alone again. He never told Lonato about them, he was so sad at the time that Ashe didn’t want to burden him. 

He wonders if it would’ve made a difference, if he did. 

* * *

The fever comes back with a vengeance, and the next thing he remembers is letting out a weak whine because _ everything hurts too much. It’s all too much. _

Something cool, a hand, is pressing itself against his forehead and he sobs from the relief it offers. He leans into the firm touch and lets out a sigh. 

“You’re okay. Go back to sleep”, a voice says. Ashe thinks it could be Manuela but it’s too deep. Nevertheless it’s a comfort, and it makes Ashe feel safe. 

He drifts back to sleep, praying that this time it’s dreamless. 

* * *

"_I keep dreaming about them, Lord Lonato.”_

_ “Your parents?” _

_ Ashe nods, and tightens his grip on Lonato’s shirt. “They always took care of me when I was sick. Mama would sing to me and Papa would sit up with me at night.” _

_ Lonato pulls Ashe tighter against his chest. _

_ “I miss them. I miss them a lot.” _

_ “I know my child. It would be impossible not to”, Lonato says, voice rumbling through his chest. _

_ There’s silence for a moment, the sound of the fire crackling attempting to fill the void. _

_ “I know that you miss them, and that you can never replace them but”, Lonato begins. “But just know that I am here for you, and I will do everything I can for you.” _

_ Lonato places a kiss on Ashe’s forehead, and Ashe curls into his chest further. _

_ It feels like home. _

* * *

Ashe know’s he dreaming. He knows his fever-riddled mind is conjuring up images, things that couldn’t be real, almost to taunt him. He knows this because how else could he be in his bedroom back in Gaspard, with Lonato and Christophe sitting on his bed, the latter looking no older than he did the day he died. 

“Ashe?”

Ashe blinks, and Christophe is gone. All the light and warmth has disappeared from the room too. Lonato’s looking at him with the same expression he did when he left Gaspard for the Monastery, all those months ago. 

_ It’s just a dream, _Ashe tells himself. 

“Lord Lonato?” Ashe feels a chill run down his spine. 

Without another word, Lonato, now in his armour, gets up and walks towards the door. 

“W-Wait! Lonato wait please!”

_ It’s just a dream, it’s not real. _

Ashe tries to get out of bed, tries to grab Lonato’s hand, but he’s out of Ashe’s reach, and Ashe is trapped in his bed. 

“Please, don’t leave. I don’t want to be alone again”, Ashe says, a sob forcing its way out. Lonato doesn’t turn back.

_ None of this is real, it’s a dream. It’s just a dream. _

Lonato reaches the door all too soon, and doesn’t look back at Ashe when he closes the door behind him. 

It’s in that moment when Ashe is finally able to get out of the bed. He leaps out and runs towards the door, swinging it open. 

“Lonato please!”

Ashe’s bare feet touch grass, and he watches in horror as Lonato’s limp body falls from his stead, and the slash across his chest from Thunderbrand oozes blood. 

_ It’s just a dream, it’s just a dream, it’s just a dream. _

Ashe wakes up screaming. He shoots up in his bed and heaves out choked breaths. 

A hand reaches out and touches his shoulder and the reaction is instant. His whole body relaxes into the touch as tears begin rolling down his cheeks. 

Whoever it is takes the initiative then, pulling him towards them, and because Ashe is weak, because he’s tired, because he’s still so damned sick that he can’t even tell who’s with him right now, he sobs into their chest, and lets himself be lulled back to sleep by a steadying hand and whispers he can’t make sense of. 

* * *

"_Hey bud, heard you were sick”, Christophe says, sitting down on the bed. His smile is soft and sweet. _

_ Ashe nods. The coughing has left his voice hoarse and his throat scratchy. _

_ Christophe reaches out to ruffle his hair. “Well don’t get too down, you’ll be back up on you feet in no time.” _

_ Ashe huffs. That’s not the point, he wants to be on his feet _ ** _now, _ ** _ not later. _

_ Christophe seems to get the jist of what he’s trying to say and laughs. _

_ “What, you don’t like being waited on hand and foot? There’s a silver lining in everything.” _

_ Ashe doesn’t know what expression he’s making, but it makes Christophe laugh again. _

_ “Besides”, Christophe says, wiping away tears of laughter. “Isn’t nice to know you have someone to take care of you when you’re like this?” _

* * *

When he wakes next, it’s to the professor with a pile of papers in their lap. 

“Professor?” Ashe croaks, voice hoarse from disuse. 

Professor Byleth smiles down at him. “Welcome back to the land of the living, how’re you feeling?”

Ashe grumbles in reply. The professor snorts. 

“How long was I out for?”

“About four days. You were awake for a few minutes at a time, before falling asleep again. You’re fever was running dangerously high, so I’m surprised you’re coherent already.”

“I, I see. I should probably apologise for making everyone worry.”

The professor’s face softens, and they reach out to place a hand on Ashe’s arm. 

“You should rest up some more first, plus I don’t know if professor Manuela thinks your well enough for class just yet.”

Ashe huffs out a sigh. It’s true that he still feels a tad disoriented , and could probably do with even more sleep, but the thought of laying in bed for any longer than a day makes his skin itch. 

Professor Byleth smirks at him, before getting up from her seat and stretching. 

“Your classmates are still rather anxious, mind if a few pay you a visit?”

“N-No no, not at all.” If anything, Ashe would love the opportunity to talk to someone else. 

Professor Byleth smiles and nods. “I’ll let them in then.”

As soon as the professor leaves, Annette and Mercedes burst through the door, armed with platefuls of food. 

“Ashe! I’m so, _ so _glad you’re okay!” Annette says, plopping down beside Ashe with a bounce. 

“You’re still looking a little pale, but much better than a few days ago!” Mercedes exclaims, leaning over to place and hand on Ashe’s forehead. When she seems satisfied that Ashe isn’t a human furnace anymore, she pulls away and sits on the professor’s vacated seat. 

“You gave everyone quite the scare, though. Dimitri looked petrified when you collapsed!”

“Dimitri?” Ashe says, only vaguely recalling that morning and a short conversation with Dimitri. 

The grin on Annette’s face is positively _ wicked. _

“Oh? You don’t remember?” She asks, innocence lacing her voice like poison as she leans in. “He caught you in his arms before you hit the ground. _ And _ he carried you all the way to the infirmary, _ and _all the way back to your room.”

“What!?” Blood rushes to Ashe’s face and he hides it in his hands. He couldn’t imagine anything more mortifying that being carried around like a fair maiden, just because he was a bit ill.

“Oh yes, he was really worried you know! Stayed by your side more than anyone one else besides Professor Manuela. He’ll probably want to come by and see how you’re doing soon.”

Ashe lets out a groan, head still in his hands. “I didn’t want anyone to worry like that, especially not someone like the prince!”

Mercedes giggles. As if this was anything to be _ giggling _about. 

“Awh c’mon Ashe, It wasn’t _ that _bad. It was actually kinda cute”, Annette pipes up.

Ashe grunts at that. He didn’t want to be thought of as cute or anything along those lines. He’s about to say as much when his stomach beats him to it, grumbling so loud that Ignatz could probably hear it from one room over. 

Annette laughs and shoves a plate of food into his hands. “You can eat while we fill you in on what you missed. Oh, you won’t believe what happened between Felix and Leonie!”

Ashe settles back into his pillows as Annette launches into an outlandish story that includes a duel, a pit trap, and Felix actually respecting someone else’s fighting prowess. It’s a nice change of pace from the last few days. 

* * *

He’s sitting up in his bed, a worn and tattered copy of _ Loog and the Maiden of Wind _in his lap, when there’s a knock on his door. 

“Ashe?” It’s Dimitri. 

Ashe scrambles to sit up in his bed. “Come in!”

Dimitri opens the door and smiles at Ashe. Privately, Ashe always thought His Highness’ smile was always quite charming, sweet and a bit unsure. 

“You look much better than the last time I saw you, I trust you feel better too”, Dimitri says, pulling over the desk chair toward Ashe’s bed. 

“Yes, I do. I heard you spent quite a while by my beside. To be honest, I’m not quite sure how to repay Your Highness for such kindness”, Ashe replies, feeling his cheeks heat up. 

While he can’t know for sure, he suspects that Dimitri had been the one who comforted him in his fleeting memories of the past few days. After what Mercedes said, it was hard to imagine anyone else by his bedside. 

“Ah, there’s no need to thank me for something so trivial”, Dimitri says, clearing his throat. There’s a dusting of colour on his cheeks that Ashe finds incredibly endearing. 

Dimitri’s eyes widen and he looks back to Ashe. “Not that I think of taking care of you as trivial! I just meant that it was to be expected of me as your house leader.”

Ashe can’t help but laugh at Dimitri’s flustered expression. 

“It’s fine, really Your Highness.”

A beat of silence follows as Ashe wonders what to say next. 

“I should apologise too. I must have startled you, fainting in the middle of a conversation like that.”

“There’s no need to apologise, truly. But if I’m being honest, I was worried when you fell. And while you were out of it these past few days. It’s- It’s been a long four days.”

Ashe looks down at his bed sheets and bites his lip. He has no idea what to say to that. 

“If I may be so bold, I can’t help but wonder how your health deteriorated so much.”

Ashe looks back up at Dimitri, who’s a lot closer than he was a moment ago. Ashe looks towards his desk, unable to keep looking his prince in the eyes. 

“I’ve had trouble sleeping as of late. Ever since Lonato… Well, ever since Lonato died”, Ashe replies. “Quite pathetic, I know, to still be grieving so much months after it.”

“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with caring about people. That’s what grief is in the end, isn’t it?”

Ashe looks back at Dimitri with wide eyes. “I guess you’re right.”

Dimitri nods. “It’s not easy for anyone, seeing your loved ones die right in front of you.”

Ashe tenses at the reminder of the Tragedy of Duscar. He doesn’t know how his own misfortunes could even begin to compare to what Dimitri has had to endure, but clearly His Highness sees a connection. 

Ashe hums in reply, and they fall back into silence. 

“It’s harder some days than others. When it first happened, I would come back to my room and start writing a letter to him, only to remember that he’ll never read them. And this is my first time getting sick since he died and, it makes it harder.”

“I feel the same way sometimes, if I’m being honest”, Dimitri whispers. He stares down at his own hands. “You can’t help but miss them sometimes.”

“It’s hard not to”, Ashe agrees. 

Dimitri looks up at him, and that sweet and endearing smile is back, if a bit smaller. 

There’s another knock on the door, followed by Manuela opening it and giving them a knowing look when she sees Dimitri. 

“Now I hate to throw you out Dimitri, but Ashe still needs to rest up if he’s to start classes again tomorrow.”

“Of course”, Dimitri replies. He gets up from the chair, and walks towards the door. Just as he’s about to leave, he turns back to Ashe. 

“Ashe uhm”, He begins, looking down at his shoes. “You’re not alone in this, you know?”

Ashe can’t help the warm feeling growing in chest, and smiles. “I do now, thanks to you Your Highness.”

**Author's Note:**

> so. that was a thing that i wrote.  
I wanted to write other things but they're gonna take way longer and i cranked this out in like two days so. you get this bs. anyway if you liked that then kudos, comments and bookmarks are always appreciated, AND i got a [twitter](https://twitter.com/silquefaye) so follow me there and/or on [tumblr](https://silquefaye.tumblr.com/). i have no followers on twitter rn so it's fun bc im just like, talking to myself. Oh and if you were wondering that thing that happened between felix and leonie was their b support. fun times.  
Anyway next fic should be uuuuuhhh ashelix. if i finish it. but i really want to bc felix is SO fun to write he's so fucking stupid.


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